You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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