I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
