how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
