we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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