i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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