"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
