He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
