i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
