I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
