He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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