I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
