so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
