Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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