no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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