I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
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