I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
