last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
