can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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