I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
