He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
