hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I did not marry a roomba.
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