weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
