If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
