he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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