I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
