So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
