i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
