We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
