No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
