They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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