"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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