Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
