Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
