Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
