where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
