Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm passing your future prison.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
