what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
