Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
