Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
