There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
