Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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