i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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