You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
