cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
