How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
