The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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