I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
