Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
