You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
