Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
